I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I need to calm my uterus...
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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