when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
Randomize
