Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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