Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
