Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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