his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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