I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
