Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
