Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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