i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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