cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
