Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
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