i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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