thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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