I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
