Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Randomize
