Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
