this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Randomize