You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
