Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
