babies were throwing up all over the place
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
