I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
You smell like stripper and shame
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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