remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
