Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
