would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
babies were throwing up all over the place
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
