Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
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How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
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Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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