it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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