I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
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