i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
Randomize
