their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
