I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
3pm strippers are depressing
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
