Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
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