Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
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