as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
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