I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
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