I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Randomize
