at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
