Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
