so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Randomize
