some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Randomize
