Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
what day is it and did you see me today?
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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