Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
