I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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