FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
