I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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