Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
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