He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had sex on a roof
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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