You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
