I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Randomize
