so that wasnt chicken after all
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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