If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
