He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
