they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize