Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
