i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Randomize
