i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
