you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
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