I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
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