Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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