No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
