Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
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