Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
