I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
