you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
