he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
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