Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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