I want you more than these girls want KFC
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
