i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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