Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
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