she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
